.

...not the vase...although breaking one would ease what I'm feeling considerably.

I'm talking about my heart. LOL I can hear it breaking...not the shattering-to-pieces kind, more on the cracking kind.

All boils down to TRUST, you trust someone fully and then you find out something that makes you doubt your trust in the person you love dearly. That really hurts...a lot. If it wasn't important or if it's just "trivial" why not tell me? LOL We talk abou trivial things a lot but why keep it from me...it makes the "trivial" thing a "suspicious" thing. Specially when the "trivial" thing happens to be some weird girl calling you. And you make an effort to know more about this girl, who she is, where shes from, what she looks like (you even ask you highschool buddy to help you locate her...lol) and you talk to her ever so often -- is this trivial? LOL I doubt it, if something is so trivial, you wouldnt give it the time of day. But you did, what does it say about you?

A friend asked me "Are you sure he was flirting?" LOL I've known him for years and he likes talking to girls, for him it's friendly but what he doesn't see and what me and our friends can see is that he likes to flirt.  

When guys flirt with me, I admit that I feel very sexy...yes, it makes me feel good...that's just about it. I don't flirt back more often than not unless it's a very dear friend and I know for a fact that he's harmless. If it's a very good friend and I get to feel he's serious, I put on that "taray" barrier to say "KEEP YOUR DISTANCE" or just be plain frank and ask if he's hitting on me and then dump him right then and there. That's because I respect my partner (lesson learned because I did the opposite before so I tried to change my ways as soon as I committed to this relationship). I don't flirt often because it can become a habit like everything else. I don't want it to become -- I don't drink...I don't smoke...but I flirt...I am addicted to it.

Flirting continuously with someone who you don't really know but shows an interest in you (i.e. calling you for no reason at all)...well, that's just asking for trouble. Oh yeah, it'll make you feel more macho...more desirable..but how would you feel when you see the hurt in your girlfiend's eyes? Was the flirting worth it? If your answer is yes or I don't really care, then you don't love your partner, so fu*k you. If you answer, no, then good for you to realize your mistake but you're still ONE BIG A-HOLE for doing so! LOL And if the gf did the same thing to you, how would you feel? LOL You get what you give.. 

I'm hurt, I'm mad, yes, I am angry but most of all I am dissappointed. I kept the connection lines open. I was honest with my fears. I was honest with my feelings. I try not to be a nosy gf (i dont check your email, i dont check your fone), I try not to be our friend's gfs that we hate. I value your privacy. I trusted you.

All I'm asking in return...HONESTY. 

And to not have that with something so "trivial"...lol it hurts more. 

I tried asking myself if I was right to get mad...YES, OH YES no doubt about it, if I didn't get mad then it just means I didn't care enough. Yes, i know he loves me but makes me wonder what if he can find someone else to love...lol...coz his actions make me think he's still looking. Should I also keep looking still?

I promised myself I won't cry...promises are meant to be broken...shouldve known better.

Signing out~

MERR!QUE

"Life gets better the more shit you encounter."